This morning Ken had an MRI. Since he had his right kidney and left adrenal gland out on 9-29-11, the thought of the kidney cancer recurring is always rolling around in our thoughts. It’s the type of idea that we try to keep in a hidden file in the back of our brains. The concern is always there, and it just pops out every so often. I am sure it shows up in Ken’s mind more often than mine, but my brain likes to remind me frequently, too. The CT scan showed some probable scar tissue on the top of his remaining left kidney. I will be so glad when the doctor confirms that it is just some scar tissue. We have a family member in hospice care for lung cancer right now, and two people close to out family who were diagnosed with cancer right before Christmas. When I see them going through chemo and radiation, I feel bad for them, I pray for them, but it is a scary reminder that chemo and radiation are not a great solution for renal cell carcinoma. It is almost easier to say renal cell carcinoma than the word “cancer”, because it doesn’t instanly sound like that scary “C” word. Renal cell carcinoma sounds like some disease that other people get, not the cancer that my husband
Ken has been cranky and jumpy for the last two weeks waiting for test results. I can’t blame him at all. I just stop and pray when I think about it, and I try to push it out of my mind because the reality of the possibilities is more than I can deal with yet. If the news is bad, I will deal with it then. I could easily make myself crazy dwelling on the possibilities, but I am never too far from crazy, so I will use avoidance for now.